She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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