Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
