Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
