so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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