Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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