I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
