Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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