UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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