I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
