READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
