Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
