I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
