I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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