so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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