Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
