At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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