This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
