Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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