South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
