If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
