Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
