We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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