apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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