So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
