That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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