so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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