Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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