i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
