weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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