I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
