Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
