I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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