I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
