Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
