It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
