sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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