she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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