my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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