All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
