I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
