did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
