Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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