He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
