i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
