apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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