talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
