A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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