Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My cat gives me a boner
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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