ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
