His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
