Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I need to stop coming to work sober
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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