You're so nebulous sometimes
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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