would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I show you my penis last night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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