shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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