He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
