we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
