my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
