you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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