I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
