That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
