Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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