i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
