Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
