When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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